31 Days of Horror 2014, Day 22: Witchouse

I know you sort of get what you pay for with Full Moon titles, but this was beyond bad. Literally unwatchable. I have made it through Head of the Family, and Meridian, and I even sort of like Castlefreak. Let us not forget that Full Moon gave up the Puppet Master series. It’s true that Full Moon has produced a few gems. Any time I watch a movie with Charles Band’s name on it though, I know to expect and even enjoy a certain amount of shlockiness. But this…this was too much. Witchouse, until further notice, is the worst film produced by the company. I will not change my mind until I see otherwise.


I don’t have much of a review, because I honestly couldn’t even get through this one. I spent most of the movie listening to what was happening while I ran a test job on my Halloween make up. Perhaps for this reason, I am not giving Witchouse a fair assessment. At any rate, I was interested for the first few minutes. Despite the stupidly amorous nature of the first characters we see, I was willing to stay with the movie and see what happened. The premise is honestly not too terrible. It doesn’t make sense, but neither do some of my favorite horror films. Set in Dunwich, Mass. Witchouse follows Elizabeth, who has brought together a rag tag team of party guests to serve as a sacrifice to resurrect her long dead ancestor, Lilith. As it turns out, the guests are descendants of the people who burned Lilith at the stake. Fair enough, right? The Dunwich setting gives the story a bit of a Lovecraftian feel, and who doesn’t enjoy a good resurrection of evil on the basis of revenge?

Unfortunately, what could have been a fun film is really brought down by Full Moon’s run of the mill bad dialogue supported by bad acting. You know, what the problem is here is that this film, unlike most of the other Full Moon titles, just takes itself too seriously. In a movie like Head of the Family, we can accept that one of the characters doesn’t talk because she’s played by a non-English speaking, porn star, because the premise is already so silly, and the characters themselves are completely over the top from the get-go. Based on the fact that the film presents itself as the sort of  B-movie you’d want to watch and laugh at with your friends, the fall backs of the film seem permissible. After all, it’s already a bad movie.  Witchouse isn’t like this. The actors in the movie seem like they are really trying to come off as scared/concerned/angry. Granted, there are plenty of pointless scenes in which the characters get frisky, and one of the guys at the party is constantly offering people drugs. I’m not saying they were going to win any oscars with their performances. But, when you see actors taking bad writing really seriously, it’s a recipe for garbage. I’m not even sure why this happened. It’s not like the director of the film, David DeCoteau, went on to do great things. His other titles include 90210 Shark Attack, and Leeches!

At the very least, what I did see of the demon was sort of neat. I’d say this was make-up done on the level of an early episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. So, that’s always a plus, especially when it takes the place of what would normally be cheap CG. And, the best looks about at promised on the poster art, which is without a doubt the best thing about Witchouse.



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