Necromentia

From: January 8, 2011

This movie was my punishment for something. If Devil was a nanner, this movie was the square root of nanner.

Essentially, a man keeps his wife’s dead body in an attempt to keep it preserved until she returns from the dead. A stranger shows up one night while the man’s sweeping up the hair in his barbershop, and tells him he can show him how to enter an extradimentinal hole to retrieve her. The barber agrees, but it turns out the stranger has ulterior motives. This is not a terrible set up, even with the cheesy amalgamation of creature effects echoing a mix of the cenobytes from Hellraiser, and Amara from The Ring. Really, it’s difficult to mess up anything boasting extradimensions, because the storyteller can pretty much do whatever they want without fear of being unrealistic.  Really, the critters from the first half hour, all hallucinated by the main character, are neat.

Pretty cool, huh?

Pretty cool, huh?

Unfortunately, once the barber agrees to this deal, we then go into the back story of the stranger, which just becomes increasingly convoluted. The stranger’s parents die, while his wheelchair bound brother is being tempted into committing suicide by a hallucination of an overweight man who is wrapped in barbed wire, and wearing a pig mask. Yeah, you read that correctly. It’s like the artistic director asked himself “how many cliches can I cram into this guy’s subconscious?” During the night the stranger gets paid to tie people down to a surgical table and torture them. This fella is also battling a heroin addiction, which a client (pleasure sadist) is trying to help him kick. Do you see what I mean? It just gets a little ridiculous.

I don’t know how it ended. I stopped watching so I could get to other, more interesting, movies. It’s entirely possible that viewers that make it to the end are rewarded with that one really cool scene where the barber crosses over and saves his wife from all the terrible special effects around her, but I doubt it.

What a waste of cool cover art.

What a waste of cool cover art.

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